Day 3 : Goldilocks
“Welcome to the Void.. Well I mean it’s not the Void anymore since you’re here now”
I opened my eyes as I heard those words. There were nothing but myself in this white space. A white endless void, even the “concrete” I was standing on was of the same color. It made me disoriented for a second.
“Oh don’t worry, give it some time, you will get used to it”
“Who are you ?”
“That’s pretty interesting for a first question. Usually I would get asked “where am I” or “What happened to me” but I guess hearing a voice from an unknown source is more interesting to you, huh Mr Faust ?”
“…Are you God ?”
“Nah, that dude is a little too busy to do one on one meetings. And that would be kinda unfair to every other human, wouldn’t it be ? I mean, if He is gonna meet you, He should at least give everyone a chance to meet their Creator. But to be fair, I’m very sure He can do that. He is God after all, but I guess this also falls in “God’s has his own reasons category” ( which screams bullshit if you ask me )”
“Who are-”
“Ah yes, where are my manners, it’s been like 2000 human years since I had a chat and that’s why I have been very talkative. I go by different names, Gabriel, Hermes.. Some even call me Lucifer which is a bit of a stretch if you ask me. I’m a messenger of God, I guess ? My Job Description is all over the place and HR is a bit of a hassle so I’m getting by. Anyway..”
Suddenly, the voice just became louder and more profound.
“Mr Faust, you’re dead, and you’re neither in Heaven nor in Hell. You’re not in the purgatory either. Let’s say that you couldn’t go to neither the good place nor the bad one, and it’s not like there is a middle place too. Budget is tight. And yeah, that’s not a lame Michael Schur series parody. That’s the real deal. I’m your host today and for some time, if that’s how you want to think of it.”
The white space changed and morphed into a very typical corporate office. I was sitting on a chair, wearing a very classy suit, one that I wouldn’t have ever afforded, not in a lifetime, which is ironic. The man in front of me was very familiar but at the same time unfamiliar, like if he looked like every CEO or HR manager ever, but something tells me that I never met him before.
“Mr Faust, I’ve seen your resume and I gotta ask, it’s very rare for us to find such an interesting profile. Hold on, let me rephrase that: it’s kind of a first for me to meet a human who had an equal amount of good points and bad points. It’s like you made sure that for every bad deed you had done, you did an equally good thing to balance it up. That’s really impressive, because if anything, you just balanced it with sheer luck, I mean you’ve gotta be very meticulous and have the inside information of how our point system works, which you didn’t. You either are the luckiest or the unluckiest person in existence, depending on how enjoyable you would find my company, before I give you my verdict”
He paused, giving me some time to process what I’ve been just told, and to realize that the man’s voice and the one I heard in the void were the same
“Mr Faust, why do we think we should hire you at Heaven Inc. ?”
He said that with a smile on his face, that smile was very human yet not human at all. I gave it some thought before I talked. I need that “position” so bad. I just can’t screw it up.
“ I have been a good person most of my life. I donated to charity, I taught a lot of kids, I even volunteered at a nursery home. I was a good son and a good husband. That’s why I believe that me being in Heaven Inc. is a no-brainer”
The man in front of me was nodding to every bit of my words while he was taking notes. I feel like I should’ve given a less typical answer and I should’ve sold myself better, but I thought that I would be boasting too much and I’d be sounding prideful, which if memory serves, is among those 7 deadly sins. I shouldn’t overthink it and show my frustration to him. It’s okay, breathe. I’ll save it in the next question.
“You’ve gotta put more effort in your answers, son, otherwise, this session would be shorter than a typical human recruitment meeting”
He sighed and then continued
“This is taking so long and I haven’t had my latte yet, so let’s wrap it up with this: do you think a child murderer can be a part of our Heaven Inc. Team ?”
I hesitated, he got me where he wanted. As he saw my frustration, he continued talking
“Let me simplify it for you. Along with donating your whole bank account to saving the tsunami victims in Tahiti 10 years ago, you did murder Jimmy, a 10-year-old kid, for no apparent reason. Both of those coincidentally were worth the same amount of points. In other words, we would gladly accept someone who is a national hero but the fact that you’re a cold-blooded murderer discourages us immensely”
I didn’t know what to say
“Look, fred, was it ? Freddy, you need to talk, I mean I’m a divine being and I’m very much omniscient and I know what are you going to say but I wanna hear it. I need to pass a verdict. I can wait an eternity, really, after all, my time perception is way different to yours but this “pleading the fifth” thingy you’re doing will do more harm than good”
Seeing how much I was in a bind, he rolled his eyes, said “So you wanna do it the hard way” and he snapped his fingers.
The void came back. The office, the man, the suit disappeared as if it was a really bad dream. The voice said
“Well, since it’s a daily challenge and midnight is very near, I’ll have to give you a break. Next time, I’ll have you meet your younger self. Hopefully by this time I’ll finally reach a verdict.”
A very old fashioned elevator music started playing. The word Intermission was written in big bold green Montserrat font in front of me.
